It´s been almost a month Ma.
It´s been almost a month since you left us.
So many people have asked how I am doing, how Papi is doing, what are we doing, etc....
So many countless more have told me what I should, what Papi should do, what my wife should do, etc...
I cried a bit, in some moments more than others, but I haven´t grieved the right way.
I have been wanting to write and I think I tried to put it all down in one sit, I guess that´s where I was wrong. So, in a way I will grieve the way I know best... I´ll write.
POST 1 - ´Ey Ma...´
That´s how I said hi to you everytime I saw you. It wasn´t HEY MA!!!
It was just a simple, dry Ey Ma...
It was always so hard for me to express how I felt. It has been hard to express myself with everyone for years. I remember when you heard of the Diary of a Broken Heart you were so glad I was able to let out the things I felt.
When they told me you died, the first thing they said was not to tell my father yet. I knew at that moment I had to protect him, take care of him. I had to do your job Ma. Pa is the toughtexterior and soft interior, right? He´s the softy, right?
You see Ma, the thing is I am just like him and people don´t know it.
So there I was, being the tough one. Talking when Papi couldn´t. Organizing the things he couldn´t. There he was crying because his wife, the love of his life, had just passed away. And there I was consoling him... I cried with you, I spoke to you, I held you, I kissed you, and I promised you countless things. I let you go, then and there, and went to take care of business.
I held my ground those two days; so many people came to see you Ma. You should´ve seen it. I hadn´t seen that many people just show up to say goodbye to you. It was as you would´ve liked it, people coming up to say how much they loved you, treasured you, and how much you had touched their lives.
I guess in a way this is what I will be doing Ma.
I will be sitting here every now and then and will let you and everyone know who you were. I will show you how much you meant to me and, hopefully, you will finally understand what was so hard for me to tell you while you were still here with me.
Ey Ma, te quiero.
Now Listening to ´Life and Death´by Michael Giacchino, from the series LOST.