Friday, December 19, 2008

Yorch Thoughts - Part V

So the last time I wrote one these was THIS TIME . . .

IT doesn't mean I haven't been thinking, it just means I've been busy. You know ... working. I haven't been this challenged and worked this well in ... well, I don't remember . . .

Anywho!

-----------------------------------------------------------

I just found out someone is calles ISESY.

I don't even know if this person is male or female.

I know nothing of this person.

Only one question haunts me:

Is this person sexy?

And ... what if by fate this person were to meet HUARNY?

Have I spoken of HUARNY?

I don't know that person either.

I don't even know if they are male or female,
but they're still called HUARNY.

You know . . . like ME SO HUARNY!

So, what is Huarny and Isesy met?

What if Huarny and Isesy fell in love and married each other?

Wow!

Worlds of horrible innuendo names would collide!

How would they name their kids?

I'm rooting for LUJURIO NARCISASO!

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Life As An Essay


To my AdvLit students of the graduating class of 2008:


There are many things I could have said, to be honest, words would have probably failed me. As you could all see I coudn't even say a simple Thank You; I was overwhelmed. Four years ago the graduating class was my dad's and mine's, two years ago it was my graduating class, and this year it was his. As a whole class, this year was more of his than mine, unfortunately, I didn't even know some of those in your class. Nevertheless, I knew the eight of you most.

I began writing an essay about 10 months ago, as ridiculous as it may sound, to read it at your graduation. Then, I figured it'd be unfair for me to stand in front of the whole graduating class and only speak to a handful of you... in English. I did get to write quite a lot of it, but, somehow, as the time passed it was hard to finish it.
Sorry
I know, incomplete is not acceptable.
But, I can hand it in late, right?

---------------------------------------------------------
"Life as an Essay"


"What's the importance of learning to write an essay?" I have answered this question for the past 6 years repeatedly. Each time I explained how it would help in your futures at college here or abroad. Yet, I never quite touched base on how learning to write a good essay could be beneficial for your lives. Therefore, it is my turn to teach you my last lesson concerning essays by just going over the basic rules of essay writing.

1- No Anacondas!!!

There are times when we write those extremely long sentences without ever pausing; commas, semicolons, and colons become our best friends. We shun the period. What ends up is a sentence so long that you don't know the beginning from the end, it seems like you lost your way somewhere. All because you wanted to say it all at the same time and finish it quickly. You never stopped, stepped back, and noticed you had strayed from what you originally wanted.

In life there are moments like this, moments where we need to pause. Life is precious, and I know, we want to enjoy it to the fullest, enjoy those beautiful moments for as long as possible, and step on the gas through those rough patches. Nevertheless, it is important to take a breather once in a while. If you head on full throttle you might lose your way at some point and, next thing you know, you lost your previously set path.

2- Transitions Are Important

Sometimes run-on sentences, or anacondas, end up taking over you so much that you even forget to add your transition words here and there. Without some nicely placed transitions you might end up with a choppy essay that lacks any flow, it just seems like a group of bunched up ideas that were casually placed together.

Life requires you to stop and check on yourself sometimes. Right now, since you graduated from High School you might have had to stop and think "What am I going to do now?" When you're done with the University you will need to ask yourself something similar. Don't just rush into life, life is plentiful. Take a break from time to time. Life is not just studying or just working. Learn to stop once in a while and observe your life, add those important transitions, don't get lost in the same thing and don't just abruptly change things without giving it prior thought.

3- Details are important

A well written essay require details to be added. The reader needs to be able to understand exactly what you are trying to convey, they need to feel what you feel, see what you see... Think of all the unusual details that could be used to explain your thoughts better, you want to stand out, you want to be read from the beginning to end.

Nothing in life is trivial. Details are important. In all aspects of your life the smallest details help mold and shape you into who you are. Details are what impress your partner, impress your boss, and those around you. It is the smallest things about you that people will love and remember. Nothing is not important, everything is worthy.

4- Pretend No One Knows What You're Talking About

Never expect your reader to know what you are talking about. Never expect the reader to have prior knowledge of your topic. Be proactive, be ready for it; let the reader know all the things necessary to fully understand you. Never leave loopholes open for your arguments, think things before truly putting them down on paper.

You need to know that in life people will not understand you from the get-go! In fact, they probably won't fully understand you for a while. You need to be aware of this! Be proactive, be aware that people don't always know what you mean. Be ready for it, be open to it. Think things through in relationships, friendships, college, and work.

5- Think Quality, Not Quantity

An essay will never be perfect. An essay should never have a certain number of paragraphs or pages. Writing the most does not mean you have written the best. You need to think of the quality of your work before you think about the quantity of it.

Life is precious. Some may say it is long, some may say it is too short. Enjoy it. Live it. Laugh it up. Love it. Enjoy what you do. Enjoy what you dedicate yourself to doing. Always think of the quality of your life, the basics of it, before you think of living a long one.

---------------------------------------------------------

So guys, that's basically it. These five rules I repeated so much that I think you hated them, but, to be honest, there is always more to it than you see at a first glance. I hope you remember these things as you continue of into your professional/college lives. It was my honor to have you in my classroom these past 7 years.


So, Guillermo, Mariela, Maribel, Maridalys, Alberto, Tuty, Luis, and Tibaldo,
"with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face I say: See you later guys!"

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Why my tummy hurts ...

No ... I didn't eat anything weird.

No ... I didn't go to the gym and exceed myself.

No ... I didn't get hit.

No ... I'm not sick.

I just laughed way too much today!

I could go ahead and say tons of things that made me laugh all throughout today, but the truth is 3 specific things took the cake. Here they go...

1- Estabamos en un BBQ en casa da Sarah y Ereli habia cocinado. Quedo nitida la comida, de verdad. EL punto no es eso ... es cuando ... de lejos se oye que Joeliz esta diciendo q elas chuletas estan buenisiimas pero dice "Diablo pero esa vaca estaba buena!"

Desde ahi en adelante me pase la tardenoche muerto de la risa... y mas cuando se fue dando cuenta que las chuletas no vienen de la vaca... You gotta know Joel to comprehend the facial expressions that he went through.

2- I need not to say much. All I know is Vicz said "Te frame of this chair is good" and then...
Dure tanto tiempo riendome que tuve tiempo para poder grabar un chin y todo. Nadie se pudo parar a ayudarlo pq estabamos muertos de la risa ... aparte q el trago le cayo encima!

3. Ya estabamos camino a la casa en el carro de Joselo. JEsus y Joselo alante. Manu y yo atras. En una dice Joselo, con toda la calma del mundo, "Y que hace esto adentro de mi carro?"

Want to guess what it was ?

Come on ...

I'll give you a chance...

Well, I will continue to tell the story and u can imagine whatever you wish.

Bueno en eso nosotros miramos hacia adonde el apuntaba y ahi empezo el despelote !

Joselo decia Dude me va brincar encima!
Despues Joselo agarro una toalla y trato de aplastarla ...
Peor la individua salio HUYENDO y se fue para el lado de Jesus.
Despues Jesus le dio un tablazo con la ventana abierta y yo estaba muriendome de la risa.
En eso Jesus abre la puerta y se desmonta [ya habiamos parado pq teniamos ese invitado]

Yo seguia malo de la risa, pero en eso oigo, atras de mi risa, a JEsus gritar ESTA ALLA ATRAS ! ESTA ALLA ATRAS ! DUDE I SWEAR !

...
...
...

it was ON me !!!

Bueh ...

ya utede saben


grito, risas, abri la puerta, sali huyendo
Manu le dio un tablazo

cayo afuera

Jesus y yo entramos al carro . . . nos largamos...

Want to see a pic of our friend? I got two of em ...

so u understand why we ran ... i know it's small, but still

------------------------------------------------------

and that is why my tummy hurts

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Such a sad realization . . .

Senyores ... I've just had a very very sad realization!

Ustedes ven como cuando nos juntamos [ los que tienen entre 20-35 anyos ] y sale el tema de los munequitos de antes? Que hablamos de Bravestarr? Centuriones? He-Man/She-Ra? Teddy Ruxpin? Thundercats? GI Joe? Smurfs? Transformers [before the dinosaurs]? Dinoplativolos? M.A.S.K.? Ranita Rene? Silverhawks [halcones galacticos]? Candy? La Abejita esa...? C.O.P.S.? TMNT? Dungeons & Dragons? Voltron [el de los tigres]? etc... etc...

Remember que la mayoria de esos munekitos tenian un mensaje o tiraban como q una moraleja al final o en si ensenyaban algo que uno despues le daba mente? Es mas ... al final de GI Joe y Centuriones y Silverhawks siempre daban una leccion! Remember ?

Hasta el ninyo de cobre daba lecciones de astronomia la final de cada episodio!
Siempre salia un GI Joe diferente diciendo algo para aprender ... y despues de tirarte 30 minutos de pleito, golpes, disparos, y to .... dice algun chamaquito "...and now I know!" y despues un GI Joe decia "...and KNOWING is half the battle!" ...

Aunque no lo crean yo base mi vida en eso hahahaha Know First ... Do Later ...

Pero ... hehehe tu ve? me fui en una ... asi mismo hacemos cuando hablamos de ellos ... y alguien siempre dice SE ACUERDAN DE ... y dicen algun munekito q NADIE se acordaba hasta ese momento ... bueno ... na ...

el punto es que los chamakitos de ahora hablan de Sponge Bob, Barney, Power Rangers, Dragon Ball, High School Musical ? ... i mean ... i know there are some OK shows out there, pero POR DIOS ... Have you seen these shows?

Yo me tire Thundercats el otro dia y SEGUIA siendo montro montro!

It's so sad ... Yo voy a tener todas esas series, en algun sitio, bajadas ... para cuando tenga hijos sentarme el sabado en la manana a ver los shows...

Y cuando llegue el lunes y ten disque "fake fighting" y digan "yo soy el power ranger dorado!" mi hijo dira "I'm Voltron Baby!"

Monday, October 13, 2008

New Cellphone ... Watch out world!

So I got a new cellphone ... it's not as cool and smart as was my last cellphone, but this one I like.

It has a camera .. wow ... watch out world! i'm gonna be taking pics all over the place!

well .. not really, but if I do find something amazingly stupid or funny ... i;m gonna take a pcture of it, de segurola!

so, antes de eso queria informarles de un nuevo periodico estadounidense que, aparentemente, es muy importante. Me lo encontre increible como un periodico nuevo ya tenia tanta fama y estaba pronosticando las elecciones de los estado unidos! De acuerdo al locutor de la 92.5 FM el periodico se llama el "Niurodtain." Son tan nuevos que no tienen una pagina web pq lo he buscado por wiki y por google y hasta busque por altavista! Pero, u know me! Always the teacher! so ... just wanted to let ya know! pero na, voy a tener q hablar con Lyn pq ella es comunicadora y quizas conozca al locutor de la 92.5 FM ...

po na ... i took a pic :)
estaba en Thesaurus pasillando, eso es lo q hago en mis horas libres ... check out books and stuff .. i know ... nerdy ... pero na , vi este libro .. caught my eye pq estaba ALANTE ... dsd q subes la escaleras ... es mas ... dsd la MITAD de las escaleras se ve ... grande ahi ...



Now ... I know I'm not the BEST at Spanish here ... but ... I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with this book title... Cuz ... that there on that cover ? That's a PIE ... More specifically, it appears to be a CHERRY PIE ... and my sources* tell me pie is PASTEL in Spanish. I also recalled that the PASTEL DE HERSHEY in Burger King is a HERSHEY PIE ... So I concur ...

What the hell man .... Does your Word not have SpellCheck ? Seriously! What did you write this book in? Notepad?

*I just asked Lyn...

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Women and their Confidence

More than ten years ago my favorite comedian, Jerry Seinfeld, said the joke: "I don't understand how a woman can take boiling hot wax, pour it on their upper thighs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider."



Now, Seinfeld is the king of Noticing the Unnoticeable. After years of watching Seinfeld, the show, over and over and over... My mind has been trained to see these little tidbits, never like Jerry, but at least a bit bit.



For example, this weekend I was on a bus on my way to Punta Cana and across the aisle from me sat this woman. She came in carrying her overly packed carry-on. She didn't roll it, she CARRIED it. Then, she took it, lifted it up, and put it on the top compartment. Some men even stood up to help, even I did, but she was done!



Apart from that ... she had a 'tubi.'



Un tubi!

/>So ... this woman , wearing a tubi, in public, who carried her heavy carry-on onboard the bus, and lifted it with ease to the top compartment then ...



opened up a book called "Mujer - Segura De Si Misma"


WHAT?!?!?!


Depordio!

Anybody who can wear that thing in public is sure of themselves!

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Secret to Going to the Gym

I have learned, in these past 2 months of going to the gym, what the secret to basically ALL the exercises.

Every day, basically, Eleri or Elegal will tell me I'm missing that specific part of the exercise.

It's not a lot of repetitions and low weights.
It's not a lot of weights and little repetitions.
It's not cardiovascular exercises.
It's not even doing spinning, kickboxing, or elliptical.

... No ...

The Secret is:

You have to stick your butt out!
That's basically it!

Every exercise requires you to STICK YOUR GLUTEUS OUTWARD!

I'm serious!!!

Es como me dijo Elegal un día: "Ponte como si te lo fueran a ...." [you know the rest]

For example,
This is WRONG!
See how his ass is not out???
That is wrong...

His buttocks must be touching the ceiling for it to work





This is CORRECT!

Get my drift?







So, now you know what to do when you go to the gym ... just stick your ass out and you'll be just fine.

Dedicated to Elegy and Eleri.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Yorch Comix 008

So, the guys said they wanted a sequel ... we actually sent at least 30 e-mails [or more] between ourselves discussing which would be the next superhero and what things should be changed... Deme told me I had to do this weekly or monthly. So, here's to trying weekly!!!


Remember ... I'm not a good drawer :)

Joselo helped me explain the drawings I knew weren't good enough...

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Yorch Comix 007

So, I felt like drawing again ... I'm not a good drawer.
I can't draw small faces, hands, or feet.
Plus, I wanted to go FAST!

So ... here it is :

Se ve medio rarito so like click on it and then zoom on it pq ...

well, cuz i'm lazy !

Friday, July 25, 2008

Words I Find Funny To Pronounce

Yo tenia una mega conversacion con Lyn, Eleri y Manu lojotro dia.

Palabras que dan risa decir!

Entonces me he puesto a pensar en palabras que me gusta pronunciarlas, no es que sean chistosas, but they're fun to say... this is a work in process, quizas vaya poniendo mas mientras las piense.

  1. poop
  2. tit
  3. teet
  4. chumbawamba
  5. belly button
  6. tater tots
  7. lollipop
  8. lily pad
  9. boob
  10. ridiculous
  11. incredulous
  12. boing
  13. sika
  14. sicote [clo's suggestion]
  15. nalga [joselo's suggestions]
  16. moco
Palabras Rechazadas

  1. Flema [Gabbie suggestion]
  2. Sobaco [Gabbie suggestion]
  3. Bobola [Lyn suggestion]

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Is that what Hawaii smells like?

I just recently saw a Glade air freshener that said it was HAWAIIAN BREEZE.

Now ... of course, I sprayed it...

I sprayed it a lot ...

And here's my question : Does Hawaii smell like Piña Coladas???

Cuz this air freshener smells like you spilled 2 gallons of Piña Coladas all over the place.

Anybody been to Hawaii? Is that what it smells like?
If so, where can I go that it smells like Rum & Coke?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Typical LoTigre Conversation

Time: 2 or something in the morning
Place: Spot [the best burger joint in town]
Topic: The Food Pyramid

Andrew: Ven aca, el huevo es considerado carne?
George: Bueno, it's in the meat part of the food pyramid.
Andrew: Pero it's not meaty.
Joselo: Pero cuando crezca va ser un pollito.
Elerik: Tu te imagina ser un pollito, debe ser incomodo ahi adentro.
Andrew: Pero es que no hay carne o sea ...
George: Dude, but it will be meat.
Joselo: hahaha dike debe ser incomodo ser un pollito.
Joel: Ey utede se acuerdan cuando vendia lo pollito pintao?
Moreno: Mielda si tigre! *manoplazo a alguien cerca*
George: Joel, pa dnd tu va?
Manu: El va mover el carro pa poner Belanova.
Joel: Ahi ta bien
*Llega carro con reggaeton*
Andrew: Te callaron la boca.
Elerik: Coge de esa perra!
George: Mielda q fuelte.
*Suena alarma del carro de Joel*
Joselo: No lo sabe usar el carro!
Eleri: Q pussy ese carro!
Andrew: Pero o sea el huevo sigue siendo como q liquidoso. Si me como un revoltillo eso e una jartura e carne entonce??!
*Paola echa mayonesa en plato, suena como una churria*
Andrew: Diablo muchacha! Y asi e q tu ta !?!?
Lety: Pero la yema del huevo se puede poner dura.
*BULLICIO EXCESIVO*
Joselo: Diablo muchacha! Y ESA PALABRA??!
Manu: Dios mio perdónala!
George: Diablo mi amor, pero ... y esa palabra?
Lety: Asi es que se dice!

... and it kept on for like 30 to 40 more minutes ...

I can't keep account of all of it, too much

Friday, July 04, 2008

Yorch Goes to the Gym

So, I've been going to the gym ...
honest-to-blog i have!

But today was different ... I go at 6pm because Eleri meets me there at around 6.30. Traffic blows!

anyhow, it's 5.15 and I'm thinking "I should go out in 20 minutes to make it there on time!"

...

5 minutes later:

...

...

i'm napping

...


I open my eyes at 5:45pm and i think "i should stand up, i need to get up, i have to stand up" my whole body is literally telling me NO. I was thinking all this and being full aware my body wasn't even considering the possibility. I was lying face down with my hands to the side, just lifeless.

this went on for about 5 minutes and i gave up.

...

6.25pm Eleri calls me "Loco dnd tu ta?" ... eemmm "yo, saliendo!"
"ahh ok ok, ahora es que yo voy a salir tambien" .... "jevi no vemo alla"

I get dressed in a hurry and go out. Went to gym. Did all the thingies. Here I am. Tired.

ya eso e to. bye...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

PS. DO NOT WATCH 'THE HAPPENING!' DO NOT !

Saturday, June 21, 2008

My cellphone is better than your iPhone...

Ahora to el mundo está en comprarse un iPhone. Y mas ahora q va salir el nuevo, so everyone is all trendy "I NEED A NEW PHONE!" Consumerism is really sticking it to us ... Y si no es el iPhone es el Blackberry. Don't get me wrong, I like em both. I wouldn't mind having either of them. I too fall under the attacks of consumerism, but today is to show you how my cellphone trumps your phone.

1- My Cellphone is so crappy that I don't mind putting stickers on it. I got stickers all over the place.

2- My cellphone doesn't need protective covers. Not cuz it's strong, but cuz I just don't care.

3- My cellphone don't need to pay extra thingies, doesn't need to be unblocked, and I can get one for like 1000 pesos...

4- My cellphone me levanta todas las mañanas con un mambo violento. yeah, maybe urs can do it too ... pero q chopo tu con un mambo violento en un iphone! hahahaha

5- My cellphone has an automatic snooze. El dice "toy jarto... me vua echa" y se apaga. El sabe que ta prendio descarga, asi que el coge naps. A veces es dificil de levantarlo, pq lo prendo y se apaga diunave, pero el se prende despues. Eso e malamaña que cogio de mi.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Yo soy como Daddy Yankee...

I really am ...
don't laugh!

You think I'm joking and I'm going to say something crazy, but I'm not. Yo soy como Daddy Yankee ! ! !

Ayer yo me paré en la Farmacia Regal a buscar una gelatina y me he topado con esto:

It's Daddy Yankee hair gel ! ! ! Desde que lo vi y lei el nombre me llamo la atención. URBAN.
Super original, it's stylish ... well, duh! It's styling gel... sin alcohol, no flakes either...

Y hasta dice abajo EL CARTEL - DADDY YANKEE ...

and you can see the cap right ? yup! it's a baseball hat, pa'tra ... como the bigBoss himself!

Lo compré ... 146 pesos ...
I bought it.

It's like a cement mixer was poured on your head and it looks wet. Amazing. I was shocked at how strong it was ... y eso que yo he usado Dady, Halka, Shine, VO5, Tropical, and others ... esta es la mejor...

La vuelvo a comprar.*


i told you i was like daddy yankee

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

a little some some

I opened this up hoping that something would come to my mind. I just read some comments from the "When Bloggin was fun..." post and my old friend's, Baakanit, comment struck a cord in my heart. It's been long since I've wanted to write, but now I find myself WANTING to write again. Missing it ...

"Wise teachings" he says ... people miss my wise teachings. hmmm

so here I sit, sin camisa pq el calor esta increible, y estoy tratando de pensar en QUE yo puedo decir que sea "sabiduría" para ustedes...

I'm looking down my chest and my belly [q no es tan grande como antes pq he perdido como 30 libras - aunque todavia estoy chubbchubb] y me estoy dando cuenta de algo!

mi ombligo no esta centralizado!

ta alitraniao!
...

wth !

ta como q pa la derecha ... :(

i'm a stray

hmm that's all that came to my mind :)

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I just saw RAMBO IV


ok ... one word :

WOW

o sea , yo no tengo palabras hahaha it has no story asi q tu digas "que apero" y las actuaciones de todos los actores son como q OK ... pero wow ... Q ACCION!

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE GUY MOVIE ... hands down insane blood, g
ore, guns, knives, bows, and all the cool stuff

check out this statistics chart q salio en un periodico gringo


o sea ... 2.59 kills per minute!
236 KILLS!
113 GOOD GUYS DIED!

he personally kills 83 people

Stallone ta mortal pa tener 60 !

i totally recommend it - no story , all action

guy flick!

Monday, January 14, 2008

When Blogging Was Fun...

My dad always tells me I'm getting old when I start talking about how it used to be. I guess that's a sure sign you're getting old, but I somehow think it's more of a "times have changed" type of thing. A lot of people ask me to write again. I tell them I'm "on a break", but the truth is I just don't feel it as much anymore. I haven't even gone to the last 2 coroblogs because I figured I wouldn't know anyone there; from what I've heard - I was right.

I started writing here about 2 years ago - February 2005. I wrote for fun, I wrote about whatever little thing popped into my head. God! It was so much fun! I used to write 4 to 5 a week, minimum. I had ideas and I'd take notes because I didn't want to forget. I remember I once had a notepad with at least 6 to 8 post ideas, but I didn't want to jam pack my blog so much that people wouldn't read ALL of it.

If writing wasn't fun enough, reading was tremendous. I had a list of tons of blogs I read constantly, daily. Ignaura, Sabri, Manu, Baakanit, blogworkorange, Josephito, Phoenix, ElMaster, Clo, Dr.Zeuss, MaK, Alfonso, Czar, Flor, Lyn, Aribel, Bracuta, Coyote, Bigotez, Lauronga, Libelula, Kandy, Hipolito, Wellington y otros ... Estaba BlogsDominicanos y PlanetaBlog - por ahi entraba a sitios al azar.

Despues no se que paso ... es como si se rego la voz y ya todo el mundo tenia uno. Oye, y eso no tiene nada de malo pero como q se perdio el control. Ya eran tanto que la gente perdia las ganas de leer todos - mucho mas escribir pq ahi si habia problemas. Yo creo que la gente se fue desencantando. Sí, hay muchos que siguen escribiendo - les aplaudo! Ojala yo!

Me hace falta ver al grupito de antes. Me hacen falta los coroblogs dnd todos nos conociamos completamente. Me acuerdo aquel coroblog que hasta t-shirts se hicieron. Me acuerdo que hicimos la lista y todo el mundo firmo y eso era un TRO de nombres. Wow ... ni cuanta gente!

I don't know ... maybe I am getting old. Maybe I should close it down or maybe I should wait until I feel inspired enough to write all over again.

Na ... Los vi!