Post #5 - Tu temporada Ma

Desde que te fuiste supe q estos días iban a ser los días en que más te extrañaría. Por más que trataría de bloquear tu ausencia, sabía que en algún momento vendría de la nada y sentiría el vacio. Tu vacio.

La primera vez que te sentí fue el 18. Estábamos preparando la mesa para comer y Papi dijo, “Esos platos no, hay que usar los rojos porque Italia pone los rojos en Navidad.” En ese momento te vi ahí con nosotros.

Los demás días transcurrieron tranquilamente hasta el 24. Esa noche cenábamos donde los Zorrillas, éramos casi unas 50 personas comiendo, bebiendo y cherchando. Hubo un momento solamente, después que todos buscaron donde sentarse y se iban ubicando en sofás, sillas, banquitos… quedo una silla vacía al lado de Papi y de mi. Ahí te vi, comiendo lento, como siempre, saboreando la comida. Veías a los niños jugando y me mirabas, “Ay Quico! Y cuando eso seas tú? Qué lindo mi niño!” No sé porque, pero sé que hubieras dicho eso, sonriendo y seguirías comiendo lento, saboreando tu comida, disfrutando de las Navidades.

Este año te nos fuiste Ma pero ya este año se acaba en pocas horas.

El año que viene sé que estarás con nosotros, sé que observaras en tu tiempo libre y cuando nazca Jorge Eduardo lo veras y sonreirás.

“Cucuzo! Te quiero!”

I know Ma, I love you too.
Cucuzo- I think I’ll call my kid that.

Post #4 - Ma, sabias que...

Ya casi han pasado 6 meses.

I've been strong, Ma.
I've held my ground.

Me he ocupado que las cosas vayan como deban ir, a veces me olvido de dos o tres cosas; pero de repente me acuerdo y me pongo en eso otra vez. Te prometí muchas cosas y al comienzo trate de hacerlo todo al mismo tiempo. Me bloqueé. La ansiedad me tenía al borde.

Hay momentos que se me pasa que no estas aquí. Pasan días en el que ni pienso en ti; el momentum de la vida me mantiene echando hacia adelante y es como si estuvieras aquí.

Después me acuerdo que ya no estás.

Sabias que Lety está embarazada?
Si Ma, voy a ser papa.
Se llamara Jorge Eduardo.
Hubieras sido abuela.

Deberías de ver a Lety, se ve preciosa con su panza, ya el esta grandesito, nace en Marzo, igual que tu y papi. Es más cerca de tu cumple, sé que eso te hubiera encantado. Se mueve mucho, patalea desde que me oye. A veces me temo que no seré chulo; Lety siempre ha sido la mas cariñosa, amorosa y juguetona.

No te preocupes que nosotros nos ocuparemos que el sepa todo de ti aunque nunca te haya llegado a conocer. Si me da pena saber que nunca oirá tu risa contagiosa ni recibirá esos abrazos de la nada que te gustaban dar. El te hubiera dado todo ese cariño que siempre se me hizo difícil darte. Todo ese cariño que siempre quise darte pero duraba tanto pensando que pasaba el momento y entendía que siempre quedaría más tiempo después.

“Jorge Armando, es bueno ser inteligente pero es más importante ser cariñoso y carismático – mira a la gente a los ojos.”

You were always right, Ma.
I'll be sure to tell Jorge Eduardo that too.

Post #3 - Ahora Mismo, Ma...

Constantemente querías que hiciera algo, que te ayudara con algo, que te explicara algo. Me encontraba eso la labor más tediosa del mundo. Ven y enséñame como poner esto en la computadora. Que molestia era para mí parar de hacer cualquier estupidez que estaba haciendo: leyendo, chateando, escribiendo, o viendo televisión. Ahora mismo Ma. Ya voy...

Fui tan malo contigo tantas veces; arrogante, desafiante, egoísta. Me encontraba que era un estorbo frenar mi vida para explicarte o ayudarte en algo. Como iba yo a dejar de jugar en la computadora para que chequearas tu e-mail? Como iba yo a darle pausa a una película o show porque querías decirme algo? Que laborioso era para mí caminar hasta tu habitación porque querías saludarme, darme un beso, darme un abrazo.

Que idiota fui...

Tu siempre quisiste amor y cariño, y yo te lo daba en cantidades contadas, te mantenía en raciones minúsculas.

Que estúpido fui...

Para ahora avergonzarme de lo poco que te daba? Papi encontró cartas que te escribía, anualmente. Una vez al año te escribía algo. Una vez al año trataba de decirte que eras importante para nosotros, que eras el centro, la roca. Una vez al ano decía Te Amo Ma y lo firmaba con fecha. Una vez al año...

Que poco te di...

Me acuerdo cuando me dijistes, "Dale cariño a Leticia, déjale saber que la quieres, dale besos y abrazos por la mañana aunque este durmiendo. Eso se siente Jorge Armando, nunca dejes de demostrar amor a los que amas."

Ahora Mismo, Ma... Ya voy...

i promise

Post #2 - Si Ma, Yo Sé

Siempre quisiste expresar cuanto me amabas. Encontrabas todas las formas posibles para demostrarme que yo era tu "tesorito." Aun ahora, escribiendo esa palabra se me aguan los ojos; no podría contar las veces que me agarrabas, me apretabas, me dabas un beso y me decías "Ay mi tesorito, cuánto te quiero! tu lo sabes?"

Sí Ma, Yo Sé

Después de Lety fue que aprendí a decir, aunque no frecuentemente, "Te Quiero Ma" o "Yo También." Creo que de ahí no pasaba. Puedo ver tu cara todavia cuando sonreias y me dejabas ir para seguir en lo que sea que estaba en ese momento.

Hasta la última conversación que tuvimos quisiste darme un consejo, una ayuda... y ahi yo te miraba, te decia que Sí Ma, Claro Ma, Yo Sé Ma. Todavia, con 27 años, me decias que ropa me quedaba mal, como peinarme, como hablar y que hacer. Ojala supieras cuanto yo valoraba esos momentos, nunca te dije nada, me lo mantuve dentro pero a Lety siempre le decia "Es que Mami siempre me decia que iba con que..." cuando me ponia algo que no pegaba.

En fin, yo te escuchaba, lo internalizaba pero creo nunca haberte dicho que tan importante eras para mi.

Tengo tus consejos conmigo Ma.

Siempre me dijiste, "Sonrie Jorge Armando, la gente que sonrie triunfa mas."

I know Ma, I know.
I'll keep that in mind.

Intro & Post #1 - Ey Ma...

INTRO

It´s been almost a month Ma.
It´s been almost a month since you left us.

So many people have asked how I am doing, how Papi is doing, what are we doing, etc....

So many countless more have told me what I should, what Papi should do, what my wife should do, etc...

I cried a bit, in some moments more than others, but I haven´t grieved the right way.

I have been wanting to write and I think I tried to put it all down in one sit, I guess that´s where I was wrong. So, in a way I will grieve the way I know best... I´ll write.

POST 1 - ´Ey Ma...´

Ey Ma...

That´s how I said hi to you everytime I saw you. It wasn´t HEY MA!!!

It was just a simple, dry Ey Ma...

It was always so hard for me to express how I felt. It has been hard to express myself with everyone for years. I remember when you heard of the Diary of a Broken Heart you were so glad I was able to let out the things I felt.

When they told me you died, the first thing they said was not to tell my father yet. I knew at that moment I had to protect him, take care of him. I had to do your job Ma. Pa is the toughtexterior and soft interior, right? He´s the softy, right?

You see Ma, the thing is I am just like him and people don´t know it.

So there I was, being the tough one. Talking when Papi couldn´t. Organizing the things he couldn´t. There he was crying because his wife, the love of his life, had just passed away. And there I was consoling him... I cried with you, I spoke to you, I held you, I kissed you, and I promised you countless things. I let you go, then and there, and went to take care of business.

I held my ground those two days; so many people came to see you Ma. You should´ve seen it. I hadn´t seen that many people just show up to say goodbye to you. It was as you would´ve liked it, people coming up to say how much they loved you, treasured you, and how much you had touched their lives.

I guess in a way this is what I will be doing Ma.

I will be sitting here every now and then and will let you and everyone know who you were. I will show you how much you meant to me and, hopefully, you will finally understand what was so hard for me to tell you while you were still here with me.

Ey Ma, te quiero.

Now Listening to ´Life and Death´by Michael Giacchino, from the series LOST.

I Just Learned Recently...

So,... music works AWESOME to keep kids in check while they're doing work.

Of course, people have talked about this for years, but I hadn't REALLY tried it because they normally ASK for music that doesn't really work for STAYING FOCUSED ... but I've found certain types of music that works awesome.

I've been using Metallica's Rockabye Lullabies with one of my classes. Amazing seeing them kind of mellow out and work, just glide through the class, it doesn't put them to sleep, but it calms them down in a rather cool way.



Then there's this other group that I just have to put on some Tiesto, Beanyles, Karlanton, Oakenfold, or Aldo D'Alessandro and they just dance through class, but WORK.



I actually had one kid dance his way over to me and go, "So, this is the line of the Missouri Compromise, right? Ahhh ok that explains the California mess better... ok Thanx!" and then just dance his way back to class.

It's Monday and they're working, on their own, calmly, ... enjoying the music nicely.

In 10 years of teaching ...

This year completes the TENTH year I have been teaching ... TEN YEARS!

Wow ... I know I know ... I started teaching at 17, but I've been in a classroom 180days a year for 10 years !

That is 1800 days of classroom teaching! ...

... and I still love it.

I look back and I think of all the kids and the friends I've made, I have to admit it makes me teary-eyed.

The sad part is... in my tenth year of teaching will also mark the ONLY YEAR I HAVE NOT BEEN INVITED TO SPEAK AT A GRADUATION!!! :(

Granted, where I teach now does not have a graduating class, but I realized it this time because I would regularly begin to write my graduation speech at the beginning of the 4th quarter.

Every single year I have written a speech, every single year. In fact, the first 2 years I went to do my Associate's degree in New York and my father read the speeches for me.

ten years ... wow ...

funny thing is I can run into ANY of the kids I've taught and remember them in the classroom, remember a funny or crazy moment, something they did, where they sat in the classroom... no importa si fue en la PUCMM, Progressive, Senderos, Ashton, or St.Michael's ... I can pop something up that tends to make them go, "Wow... you remember that?"

:) I will think of my own advice to my Seniors ... "it's not the quantity, it's the quality"

it's been an awesome 10 years.

adrift in peace

And I floated. Adrift in my own thoughts. Conscious that I was not alone, but aware of my solitude.
The ocean current took me, wrapped me in its warmth.
I closed my eyes and felt the peace. I felt the quiet. I felt the nothingness and I loved it.
The sun hid behind a cloud and I felt the cold breeze brush against my skin. My arms spread open, my legs together.
With my eyes closed I felt the sun emerge, the heat touch my every pore. The sun shone fully and I opened my eyes.

I stared at the sky as I floated in the ocean. Silence. Peace.

I thanked God for the beauty in the world. I spoke words of love and admiration, God listened silently.

I closed my eyes and I drifted. In quiet. In silence. In solitude. In peace.

Weight Up Until Now

Props to Gavin for this.

Things To Do When I Become A Parent

As a teacher there are things I see and hear ... it's a fun job, every day is different. It doesn't even matter if I have to teach the SAME lesson back to back, if it's different students, it's a different experience. Now, there is something I always look at and it's how those kids are OUTSIDE my classroom.

It is in these observations that I've noticed things that have made me think: "I need to keep that in mind for when I have kids."

Example 1

The Lost N Found in a school will show you just how forgettable the kids can be. I've seen underwear, pants, shirts, socks, lunchboxes, books, notebooks, towels, empty book bags, FULL book bags, and, my personal favorite, 1 shoe.

It's never really two shoes, not the complete pair. No. It's always ONE shoe.

When did this kid not notice he was limping? Didn't the different textures as he stepped give him a hint? How do you forget to put on ONE shoe?

Lesson Learned #1: Check my kids as soon as they walk in through the door. Double-check if they still have both shoes on.

Example 2
Kid walks into the cafeteria to heat up his/her lunch. The nice lady heats it up and sets it aside for him/her to pick it up. Kid never shows up to pick it up.

Now I know I was chubby in middle school, but even in high school when I was leaner... We NEVER forgot to eat! Heck, we'd play basketball and in between time outs, take a bite from a sandwich, run back out still chewing! I knew a guy who played soccer HOLDING HIS SANDWICH... and he was good!

HOW DO YOU FORGET TO EAT!

Lesson Learned #2:
My kid gets in the car and I ask, "How was lunch? Forget school, you tell your mother later, how was lunch? Where is the lunch box? Is the tupperware still there? Ok, good boy, that's my son! ... where is your other shoe?"

Oscars 2010 - Best Picture

Ok I have seen these movies up until now:

AVATAR

PRECIOUS (Based on the novel PUSH by Sapphire)

THE HURT LOCKER

DISTRICT 9

UP

AN EDUCATION

A SERIOUS MAN

I can honestly say that I WOULD NOT recommend watching A Serious Man, District 9, or The Hurt Locker. I mean, they're not BAD, but they aren't good. I wouldn't pay to see them at a movie theater... actually I've only seen AVATAR at a movie theater. I downloaded the others because most of them haven't even arrived at our country.

Now ... An Education I thought was good. It was fun and didn't drag on too long. It's not mind blowing, it won't make you go crazy, but the acting was great and fun.

Avatar is Avatar. It's something huge and new and mind blowing, but the story is old. I'm a history teacher ... this made me think of the countless civilizations that have been run over by the "civilized" civilizations. I loved the effects and I loved the thousands of messages behind it, but I do not think it was the best on the list.

UP is beyond cute and funny. I loved it, it was fun for all ages. I think the message was sweet and I could re-watch it. I have to admit I teared up a bit in some parts, but I laughed at several others. Good movie for kids and adults.

... PRECIOUS ...

wow ... what a stellar performance, awesome ensemble. I hated Monique's character, wow she acted beautifully. I mean, Monique is funny, I've only seen her in comedic performances, this was great! Lenny Kravitz! I didn't even RECOGNIZE him, he added such a cool little character. Even Mariah Carey! Wow! Her performance was great ... to think before this movie she was known for GLITTER ... one of the worse movies ever filmed! But Gabourey Sidibe, the protagonist, just blew my mind. and this was her FIRST real job acting.

It is a TOUGH TOUGH movie to watch, it will hurt you, tear your insides out, but it's an excellent drama. I would pause it and cringe at times. I would feel like shit watching and feeling the pain, but all in all... it was great.

I truly truly hope this movie gets some awards... I haven't seen UP IN THE AIR or THE BLIND SIDE yet, but this movie was just so much better than the others I have seen. I know I heard Clooney and Bullock take the cake with these two, but I haven't seen em yet.

Desalia 2010

Buehhh, yo ni se como empezar. Tengo un mangu de cosas en la cabeza pero vamos a empezar que a mitad de la noche mire a Lety y le dije, "Esto esta TAN MALO que me siento inspirado a escribir un blog." ...and now I am here.

Vamos a comenzar por decir que mis expectativas estaban altas, todo el mundo me decia que era un evento muy chulo, que se gozaba en cantidades y que la musica era excelente. Yo la pase super bien, pero no fue tripiando, fue tripiando lo tan mal que estaba!

Llegamos a las 11:30pm.
Estacionamiento comodo.
Autobuses que te recogian y te dejaban en la entrada.
Filas organizadas= entrada facil y rapida.

Caminamos y vemos todo bien iluminado hacia el evento.
Muchos baños.
Muchos ambientes. Precios regulares de bonche (tragos $200, refresco $100, RedBull $200, Agua $150). No vi la comida porque comi antes. No les se decir como estaban los tragos porque no bebi. Habia hielo, que sabemos que aqui sufren con que se acaba el hielo. Le di mi trago de bienvenida a un pana, ellos dicen que los tragos estan bien.

Empieza Oreja de Van Gogh. Todo bien. Musica bien. Sonido bien. No se quien le abrio asi que no puedo decir nada de ellos. Creo que cantan como 10 canciones, no les se decir pero cantaron las 3 famosas que yo conocia.

Aqui empieza el desorden...

Entre TODOS los actos habian cambios bruscos. Era como si le hubieran dado STOP a todo y ya. Salia un corazon que decia Ron Barcelo y ya. Bueno, mentira, una vez salieron unos panas que se encaramaron en las matas de coco y tiraron escarcha, se bajaron y ya.

Puedo resumir los siguientes DJs (Rocky Rock [el de Black Eyed Peas] y Superlush DJs) de la siguiente forma:

- No han pasado el primer mundo de DJ Hero todavia.
- Nunca ni jugaron Mario Paint porque no saben de musica.
- Mejor hubieran puesto al Ricardo Herrera de los 90, era lo mismo.
- DJ Bubba tiene mas estilo, y a mi no me gusta DJ Bubba.

Wow que disparate de musica, unos cambios horribles, subian la pila y de repente bajaban. Interrumpian la musica a cada rato para gritar algo que NO SE ENTENDIA. A uno se le apago la musica un segundito. REPITIERON TRACKS ENTRE SI!!! O sea, si usted esta en el backstage y oyen que el pana de Black Eyed Peas ha puesto I GOTTA FEELING... my friend, no ponga esa misma cancion DOS VECES en tu set DESPUES DEL PANA!

Ahi hicieron unas mezclas RARAS! Tiraban Nirvana, despues Fragma, despues White Stripes, despues Coldplay, Michael Jackson, yo no entendia que el queria hacer!!!

Ay y cuando salio Rebeka Brown. Señores yo he oido Rebekan Brown, she's good. But she's a vocalist. O sea, VO CA LIS TA. No la pongan enfrente de un publico con un DJ atras poniendo musica, esa jeva canta, no baila, no es show. Imaginense un baile (pq bailaba) estilo Shakira, mezclado con Lady Gaga. Era RARO ... awkward. No se, yo me reia mas que gozaba. Si es verdad que canto TOCA ME de Fragma super bien, no se si ella sera la jeva de Fragma pero esutvo jevi. Ahora bien, fijense que cancion dije: Fragma - Toca Me. Si, si se dieron cuenta es verdad... ESA TAMBIEN LA PUSIERON LOS SUPERLUSH DJs DESPUES QUE ESTA JEVA LA CANTARA!

Pero porque ?!?!?!

El punto es que a eso de las 3:30 nos fuimos, jartos.

Ahi empezo el trote. Habian SEIS guaguas. SEIS rutas diferentes. No habian filas. Imaginense 100s de personas tratando de montarse en UNA guagua porque todo estaba a LEGUAS de donde estabamos. Duramos un total de UNA HORA para llegar desde la salida al carro, donde el transcurso de la guagua fueron solamente 5 minutos.

Para yo montarme en esa guagua tuve que meterme en mi zen de metalico! TIre codos, me pare en esa guagua, de nalgadas pa'tra pa que se echaran... un desastre! Y eso que despues en la guagua habian unas CARAJITAS con un JUMO gritando y haciendo un show. Pero eso no es parte del evento... aunque ... menores = bebiendo. Y no me digan "quizas parecian mayores" NEIIIIIIIII!!!!! eran carajitas! Yo tengo muchachas en 3ro de bachiller que se ven mas viejas...

Na, yo no estuve VIP pero se veia super nice y organizado con muchas sillas. El otra area estuvo bien distribuida. Habia mucho staff de seguridad rondando. Habia mucho staff recogiendo basura constantemente. Ahi si estuvo bien. La animacion eran los bailarines de Mangu, la primera 2 veces ue salieron fue jevi, las otras 4 me aburrieron. Hasta las luces y video DJ effects lo repetian ENTRE artistas.

No vi a Wally Lopez ni a Alex Ferreira.

Mi puntuacion de 1 al 10 - un 4.5 de 10

2010 - A New Me <--- how corny

Bueno ya que he empezado mi jornada de pérdida de peso he decidido que debería como que compartir mi proceso. El que me conoce sabe que soy gordito, siempre lo he sido desde el 1998. Aunque por un tiempo (2003-2006) fui GORDO - damn you DP Dough*!

So, este año entré en un programa, BodySolutions, en el gimnasio de CapCana, PowerFit.

Son 9 semanas intensas - lease ... dieta, cardio, pesas intensas. 3 veces a la semana.

So, here is the chart of how it's been this year. I officially started FEBRUARY 1st.

In other words, anything before it was just normal life happening.

If you see between weight #2 and #3 ... guess what that is? CHRISTMAS! Yup... XMas always does that ....

Then, weight #6 to #7 is the spread of the long weekend in January, which was also my birthday! So it kind of makes sense I didn't care what I was eating.

But if you can see I began right after weight #7 and it's been a constant decrease!

Well, that was it. Afterwards I'll come up and post more things.

Comments & Questions would be cool too !


*Si no fueron a Ithaca, no sabrán, pero here is their MENU.

Student Conversations II

It's 7:30am on Monday morning.

- "Mr. Ruiz, Mr. Ruiz ... Do you think Naruto will take out the nine tails? Like if he does, do you think he will die? I don't think so, I bet Sazuke will help him! Tu va ve profe eso va ta chulisimo! Ya leyo el ultimo manga?"

the worse part is I replied to every question... and yes, I had read the last manga.

-----------------------------------

"Hand in your quiz, time is up!"
"No no me queme! Eso me pasa por estudiar y despues lavarme la cabeza!"

LOL

Absolute Justice :)

oh diossss

oh wow

Life Theme Song

If you had to have a song play while you lived your life, which would it be?

I keep on thinking of the Rocky II theme song ...

GONNA FLY NOOWWWWWW!
... muy strong ... inspiring ...

If not, like something from Zelda ... or Kingdom Hearts ... a peaceful song.

Hmmm BUT, if my life had to have a THEME SONG I don't have any idea which would it be ... tendre que pensar en que CANCION me representaria a mi...

So the Director walks into my house...

So, the Director OF THE SCHOOL ... la papaupadelamatica ... rings my doorbell.

I'm on the floor, a bit dirty because I'm finishing some touches of paint on the wall.

She says, "Is this yours?"

and holds up a child's Superman bookbag.

Not a lunchbox.

Not a totebag.

Not an adult's Superman bookbag.

Nope

It is a child's Superman backpack.

My response?

"Oh, yeah... Where'd you find it?"

"Your wife left it in my office."

: )

Kind of funny that she automatically knew it was mine.



PS. That's where we take out food every day.